New Years Day of 1996 was a Monday, and WWF started the new year by finally firing back against WCW with a series of Billionaire Ted skits, Billionaire Ted was a parody of WCW owner and media mogul Ted Turner. Featured in the skits are the Huckster, the Nacho Man, and Scheme Gene, intended to parody former WWF and then current WCW wrestler Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, and the interviewer/announcer Mean Gene Oakland. Throughout the whole series of skits the two wrestlers are portrayed as old, out of shape, and ridiculous, while Gene is portrayed as a conniving scam artist.
The first sketch shows Ted in a meeting the three pardodied characters and various unnamed WCW officials (It is notable that Eric Bischoff was not parodied). Clips are shown of then current WWF superstars, with said unnamed officials asking the two WCW wrestlers if they can attempt their moves. Ironically Vince Russo is the first of those officials, who asks “You think you can pull it off Huckster?” regarding a clip of Razor Ramone, to which the Huckster answers “No way brother.” Diesel is also featured in the sketch (Two weeks later Russo would refer to the trio as “greedy, disloyal, has beens from the 80’s”). The point being that these “old” wrestlers cannot keep up with the younger talent. The skit ends with the WWF logo and the words New Generation, with a voice over reading “On top of the hill, not over it.”
Next week in the war room Nacho Man suggests the slogan “This is where the Big Boys Play,” a slogan which WCW did use. In an incredible irony, just a few years after their own steroid trial, WWF took a shot at WCW’s drug policy. “What if our stars have to take legitimate tests for steroids.” Nacho Man asks, Huckster responds saying not to worry about it as they are not in the WWF anymore. This skit ended with text reading “For a WWF Drug Program Advisory Sign on to America Online Tonight.”
During the first four weeks, these skits, called “Billionaire Ted’s Wrasslin’ Warroom” would parody not only Hogan and Savage’s age, but also Turner’s business practices, including his tendency to buy and repackage old content, such as the MGM film library through which he made the Turner Classic Movies network, and Hannah Barbera through which he made the Cartoon Network. In fact in the third week of sketches Ted bemoans his inability to buy WWF, the skit ending with the statement that the WWF New Generation is “not for sale.”
On January 29th, WWF official Michael P. Hayes said on Raw that a WCW official wrote to WWF on January 17th, threatening litigation, before introducing a new skit that would see Billionaire Ted at a Press Conference. This particular press conference skit would conclude the following week. Here Ted takes fire for undercutting WCW advertising, WCW losing money, and trying to put the WWF out of business. Turner’s then current Time Warner merger was also mentioned. Things got personal the segment brought up Ted Turner’s father, whom he had a contentious relationship with. In part one of the sketch it is announced that the Nacho Man will face the Huckster, who, via his contract with Ted, never loses. This match would air on the free show before Wrestlemania on March 31rst. Also after part one there is a voice over from McMahon showing a rejected ad in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal criticizing Turner. An updated ad was to appear in the New York Times Financial section that following Wednesday.
These sketches would return on February 19th with a two parter parodying Turner’s CNN show Larry King Live, Here his show is called Larry Fling live, airing on BNN, the Billionaire news network. Larry King himself was not spared from parody, shots were taken regarding his five girlfriends and four ex-wives and his massusse. The first week the guest is Billionaire Ted, Larry hits him with questions regarding Ted’s personal vendetta against the WWF, monopolistic/predatory activity, the Huckster’s salary, and WCW losses, the Federal Trade Commision investigation, and Ted’s financial advisor’s in the Warner merger being a “stock swindler” Many of these issues apparently were covered by a Wall Street Journal report. Nacho Man calls in as Randy from Sarasota (Where Randy Savaged lived) but he called by mistake, thinking it was the number for rogaine. Terry/the Huckster calls in from Tampa/the Huckster to ask Ted for Monday off. Then Jane calls from Hanoi, which is a reference to Ted’s wife Jane Fonda, who was infamous for visiting Hanoi during the Vietnam War.
The sketch on March fourth opened, possibly due to threat of legal action, with this text; “The following satire is intended to entertain and inform. The quotes contained herein are actual quotes by the man who could control 50% of America’s cable system.” Here Ted Turner was on Tee Vee Trivia, a game show where he played against a busty blonde named Candy. The gag was various controversial quotes were read, and the contestants had to guess who said them. Ted Turner said them all.
Scheme Gene was featuring the following week, and the bits culminated just before Wrestlemania with a mock FTC (Federal Turner Commision) hearing. This sketch was a parody of A Few Good Men, the 1992 military legal thriller starring Jack Nicholsen and Tom Cruise. Throughout all these skits, Billionaire Ted is portrayed as a hapless buffoon, but, in a scene mirroring A Few Good Men’s famous line “You can’t handle the truth” line, Ted breaks down in a rant of megalomania, saying “I determine what you watch and what you don’t watch.” Finally, he admits wanting to put the WWF out of business, a question he avoided in prior skits with reporters and Larry Fling.
In addition to this admission, the sketch ends in a call to action for WWF fans. A statement is shown and read stating that Ted Turner will testify that month before the FTC regarding the Turner/Warner Brothers merger. Should the merger go through (as it did) Turner would control 50% or the nation’s cable outlets. Fans were urged to write to the Chairman of the Federal Trade Commision, Mr. Robert Pitofsky. His Washington address was given. I am unaware if anyone followed through on this.
The Billionaire Ted skits culminated in a Huckster vs Nacho Man match, airing for free on Wrestlemania Free for All. This aired as a pre-taped segment before an audience of elderly people, and an attractive blonde (presumably Jane Fonda) waving a Vietnamese flag. Vince McMahon and Jerry the King Lawler appear in silhouettes. This mimiced the style of the cult TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000, in which characters are seen watching notoriously bad science fiction films, and make fun of them for the audience to hear. Lawler and McMahon mercilessly mock Huckster and Savage, as well as special referee Billionaire Ted, and ringside commentator Scheme Gene. The match is brief, and the bit ends with the two wrestlers having heart attacks. Billionaire Ted is bewildered at this predicament, then a character in black appears with FTC written in white on the chest (presumably in NWO style), then Ted himself collapses to the canvas. This was the end of the Billionaire Ted sketches.
In retrospect, given the contributions Hogan and Savage made to the WWF, it is easy to understand Bret Hart when, a few years later, he was concerned Vince would bury him once he left WWF. While one might expect WWF to make fun of Hogan and Savage for their age, particular maliciousness was shown to Ted Turner. It is evident the WWF truly believed Ted Turner was trying to put them out of business. WCW executive Eric Bischoff has said that while Ted Turner was certainly competitive, Bischoff was never aware of Turner having any personal vendetta against Vince McMahon (Turner did have a very public feud with Rupert Murdoch). Eric himself was known to make boastful statements in the late 90s about the WWF going out of business, but he says in retrospect his personal goal was simply to turn WCW profitable and successful.
Either way, the gloves were off, less than 6 months into the Monday Night War WWF fired back and fired back hard. However, it would take more than comedy sketches to compete with the then red hot WCW.
New Years Day of 1996 was a Monday, and WWF started the new year by finally firing back against WCW with a series of Billionaire Ted skits, Billionaire Ted was a parody of WCW owner and media mogul Ted Turner. Featured in the skits are the Huckster, the Nacho Man, and Scheme Gene, intended to parody former WWF and then current WCW wrestler Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, and the interviewer/announcer Mean Gene Oakland. Throughout the whole series of skits the two wrestlers are portrayed as old, out of shape, and ridiculous, while Gene is portrayed as a conniving scam artist.
The first sketch shows Ted in a meeting the three pardodied characters and various unnamed WCW officials (It is notable that Eric Bischoff was not parodied). Clips are shown of then current WWF superstars, with said unnamed officials asking the two WCW wrestlers if they can attempt their moves. Ironically Vince Russo is the first of those officials, who asks “You think you can pull it off Huckster?” regarding a clip of Razor Ramone, to which the Huckster answers “No way brother.” Diesel is also featured in the sketch (Two weeks later Russo would refer to the trio as “greedy, disloyal, has beens from the 80’s”). The point being that these “old” wrestlers cannot keep up with the younger talent. The skit ends with the WWF logo and the words New Generation, with a voice over reading “On top of the hill, not over it.”
Next week in the war room Nacho Man suggests the slogan “This is where the Big Boys Play,” a slogan which WCW did use. In an incredible irony, just a few years after their own steroid trial, WWF took a shot at WCW’s drug policy. “What if our stars have to take legitimate tests for steroids.” Nacho Man asks, Huckster responds saying not to worry about it as they are not in the WWF anymore. This skit ended with text reading “For a WWF Drug Program Advisory Sign on to America Online Tonight.”
During the first four weeks, these skits, called “Billionaire Ted’s Wrasslin’ Warroom” would parody not only Hogan and Savage’s age, but also Turner’s business practices, including his tendency to buy and repackage old content, such as the MGM film library through which he made the Turner Classic Movies network, and Hannah Barbera through which he made the Cartoon Network. In fact in the third week of sketches Ted bemoans his inability to buy WWF, the skit ending with the statement that the WWF New Generation is “not for sale.”
On January 29th, WWF official Michael P. Hayes said on Raw that a WCW official wrote to WWF on January 17th, threatening litigation, before introducing a new skit that would see Billionaire Ted at a Press Conference. This particular press conference skit would conclude the following week. Here Ted takes fire for undercutting WCW advertising, WCW losing money, and trying to put the WWF out of business. Turner’s then current Time Warner merger was also mentioned. Things got personal the segment brought up Ted Turner’s father, whom he had a contentious relationship with. In part one of the sketch it is announced that the Nacho Man will face the Huckster, who, via his contract with Ted, never loses. This match would air on the free show before Wrestlemania on March 31rst. Also after part one there is a voice over from McMahon showing a rejected ad in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal criticizing Turner. An updated ad was to appear in the New York Times Financial section that following Wednesday.
These sketches would return on February 19th with a two parter parodying Turner’s CNN show Larry King Live, Here his show is called Larry Fling live, airing on BNN, the Billionaire news network. Larry King himself was not spared from parody, shots were taken regarding his five girlfriends and four ex-wives and his massusse. The first week the guest is Billionaire Ted, Larry hits him with questions regarding Ted’s personal vendetta against the WWF, monopolistic/predatory activity, the Huckster’s salary, and WCW losses, the Federal Trade Commision investigation, and Ted’s financial advisor’s in the Warner merger being a “stock swindler” Many of these issues apparently were covered by a Wall Street Journal report. Nacho Man calls in as Randy from Sarasota (Where Randy Savaged lived) but he called by mistake, thinking it was the number for rogaine. Terry/the Huckster calls in from Tampa/the Huckster to ask Ted for Monday off. Then Jane calls from Hanoi, which is a reference to Ted’s wife Jane Fonda, who was infamous for visiting Hanoi during the Vietnam War.
The sketch on March fourth opened, possibly due to threat of legal action, with this text; “The following satire is intended to entertain and inform. The quotes contained herein are actual quotes by the man who could control 50% of America’s cable system.” Here Ted Turner was on Tee Vee Trivia, a game show where he played against a busty blonde named Candy. The gag was various controversial quotes were read, and the contestants had to guess who said them. Ted Turner said them all.
Scheme Gene was featuring the following week, and the bits culminated just before Wrestlemania with a mock FTC (Federal Turner Commision) hearing. This sketch was a parody of A Few Good Men, the 1992 military legal thriller starring Jack Nicholsen and Tom Cruise. Throughout all these skits, Billionaire Ted is portrayed as a hapless buffoon, but, in a scene mirroring A Few Good Men’s famous line “You can’t handle the truth” line, Ted breaks down in a rant of megalomania, saying “I determine what you watch and what you don’t watch.” Finally, he admits wanting to put the WWF out of business, a question he avoided in prior skits with reporters and Larry Fling.
In addition to this admission, the sketch ends in a call to action for WWF fans. A statement is shown and read stating that Ted Turner will testify that month before the FTC regarding the Turner/Warner Brothers merger. Should the merger go through (as it did) Turner would control 50% or the nation’s cable outlets. Fans were urged to write to the Chairman of the Federal Trade Commision, Mr. Robert Pitofsky. His Washington address was given. I am unaware if anyone followed through on this.
The Billionaire Ted skits culminated in a Huckster vs Nacho Man match, airing for free on Wrestlemania Free for All. This aired as a pre-taped segment before an audience of elderly people, and an attractive blonde (presumably Jane Fonda) waving a Vietnamese flag. Vince McMahon and Jerry the King Lawler appear in silhouettes. This mimiced the style of the cult TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000, in which characters are seen watching notoriously bad science fiction films, and make fun of them for the audience to hear. Lawler and McMahon mercilessly mock Huckster and Savage, as well as special referee Billionaire Ted, and ringside commentator Scheme Gene. The match is brief, and the bit ends with the two wrestlers having heart attacks. Billionaire Ted is bewildered at this predicament, then a character in black appears with FTC written in white on the chest (presumably in NWO style), then Ted himself collapses to the canvas. This was the end of the Billionaire Ted sketches.
In retrospect, given the contributions Hogan and Savage made to the WWF, it is easy to understand Bret Hart when, a few years later, he was concerned Vince would bury him once he left WWF. While one might expect WWF to make fun of Hogan and Savage for their age, particular maliciousness was shown to Ted Turner. It is evident the WWF truly believed Ted Turner was trying to put them out of business. WCW executive Eric Bischoff has said that while Ted Turner was certainly competitive, Bischoff was never aware of Turner having any personal vendetta against Vince McMahon (Turner did have a very public feud with Rupert Murdoch). Eric himself was known to make boastful statements in the late 90s about the WWF going out of business, but he says in retrospect his personal goal was simply to turn WCW profitable and successful.
Either way, the gloves were off, less than 6 months into the Monday Night War WWF fired back and fired back hard. However, it would take more than comedy sketches to compete with the then red hot WCW.
A Billionaire Ted Playlist can be seen here.